hereâ€™s a question. jessica rabbitâ€¦or holliwould? like, if you were a cartoon. donâ€™t make this weird. i mean, itâ€™s notlike thereâ€™s a wrong answer. althoughâ€¦there is a right answer, and the right answer isjessica rabbit. not that holli would be wrong, though. you pick the ten hottest cartoon womenever, and theyâ€™re both on the list. itâ€™s just that jessica rabbit is the goddamn list.hollieâ€™s, likeâ€¦somewhere between daphne and harley quinn. which is where iâ€™d like to be. i told you, donâ€™t make this weird. itâ€™scool world, for the super nes.
so maybe you donâ€™t know about holli. well,iâ€™ll tell you about holli. see, back in the early 90s, animation was going througha renaissance. cartoons were finally getting back to that cartoony spirit that definedthe golden age of animation. the quality was back, too. and even more than thatâ€¦the edgewas back, too. i mean, cartoons were finally cool again. and one of the people to thank for thatâ€¦isralph bakshi. see, ralph was one of the cartoonists who pushed â€œcartoons,â€ at a time whencartoons were mostly viewed as â€œanimated marketing.â€ big difference.
i mean, just watch bakshiâ€™s mighty mouse,a seriously bold cartoon that helped pave the way for the renaissance. and that renaissancepaved the way for bakshi, to do a movie like cool world. and draw a character like holli would. see, i love reviewing games like this, thatgive me a chance to talk about animation. i love cartoons. i donâ€™t love bad videogames. and thatâ€™s the tragic part of this situation, â€˜cause this is also a bad videogame. like, a real bad video game. so even iâ€™m when happy, iâ€™m miserable. thatâ€™smy life. almost as depressing as cool world, for the super nes.
â€˜cause this game is depressing and miserable. itâ€™s the kind of game thatâ€™s, likeâ€¦imean, i know people say everything happens for a reason, but this game says otherwise.this game says, â€œnope, f*ck you. i happened for no reason.â€ â€œnow play me and be miserable.â€ and iâ€™m like, â€œfine, whatever. now kissmy ass, cool world.â€ so the game starts with you falling into coolworld, because it was the super nes, and we have to use mode 7 for something. so get usedto this stupid screen, youâ€™re going to see it a bunch. then the game finally starts,and a couple of things happen. one, you realize
itâ€™s a platformer. two, you realize itâ€™sa platformer that plays like sh*tâ€¦ three, you get arrested almost immediately. four, you realize youâ€™re gonna get arrestedover and over. five, you begin to realizeâ€¦ â€œholy crap,there are peopleâ€¦like multiple peopleâ€¦who were actually compensated for this. and evenworse, someone who compensated them for it.â€ and then you wonderâ€¦ like, is there anything those people wouldnâ€™thave payed for? was there anything they wouldâ€™ve said noto? so hereâ€™s how cool world works. you walkaround, you desperately try to come to terms
with itâ€™s awful controls and game designâ€¦youkind of just run through the level. that part takes no more than a minute or two. the desperation,though, that part lasts for days. then, between those levelsâ€¦there are driving levels. ori guessâ€¦levels with a vehicle. itâ€™s not really â€œdrivingâ€ when itâ€™sthe vehicle driving you crazy. these are the worst. youâ€™re supposed to just get to theend of the level, and theyâ€™re not even long. but theyâ€™re insanely tough, and insanelycheap. so you die a bunch of times, you get frustrated with lifeâ€¦ then you decide to play something else. or watch mighty mouse. actually, do that,watch mighty mouse.
seriously, i know it doesnâ€™t sound likemuchâ€¦but thatâ€™s it. thatâ€™s cool world. you can beat the entire thing in less thanan hour. and approximately none of those minutes are any fun, or have any point. it plays bad,sounds bad, looks badâ€¦and i mean, thatâ€™s the ironic thing. itâ€™s not like cool worldis a great movie, itâ€™s notâ€¦but at least some of it looks good. none of this looks good, it looks bad. andnot bad, likeâ€¦oh, that holli would is one bad chick. no, this is justâ€¦look, itâ€™sjust bad, you guys. and don’t be fooled by the cartoon boobs. â€˜cause despite what theytell youâ€¦this game is not awesome and fun to play with.
itâ€™s cool world, for the super nes. thanks to kris from jersey city, new jersey,for sending it to the show. oh, like you guys donâ€™t have a top ten cartoonchicks. shut up.