Pride And Prejudice And Zombies Review

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>>read: don’t make me do this. no- i don’twant to. >>loki: you’re the one who suggested doinga review on this book. >>read: yeah but- but- i can’t go on theinternet and talk about them. >>loki: and why not? >>read: i feel like i’m inviting some kindof curse. >>loki: you mean like the boogie man? >>read: yeah. >>loki: or the slenderman? >>loki: or beatle juice?

>>read: yes. >>loki: it’s a sad day in hell when i’macting like the sane one. get over here. >>loki: it was a few buzz words that madeus initially choose this book: government conspiracies, escaped experiments, cloning,and serial killers. >>loki: i swear to god. where was i? oh yeah.jeff. jeff is living his normal everyday life when his scientist father comes up and tellshim that he had been living a lie. jeff is not his son, jeff is a clone. that would bebad enough right? but jeff isn’t the clone of just anyone. the person who graciouslydonated his genetic material for experimentation was none other than jeffrey dahmer, a prolificserial killer.

>>read: jeff is naturally shocked that heis descended from a ruthless chocolate cover almond- >>loki: what are you doing? >>read: the review. >>loki: you just said chocolate covered almonds. >>read: did i? well i just figured as longas i don’t say the word, i’ll be fine. >>loki: …whatever. >>read: after dropping the truth bomb on jeff,jeff’s father tells jeff that he isn’t the only clone. over the years jeff’s fatherhas created many clones of rubber duckies

in order to study the violence gene and naturevs. nurture. >>loki: he has adopted out these serial killerkids into different homes all across the country, with some parents paid to be abusive whileothers were paid to be normal loving parents. >>read: on top of that, some of the cloneshave escaped from the military lab, and are painting a bloody trail down hwy 50, searchingfor these adopted clones and freeing them on jeff’s dad’s orders. because, and here’sthe kicker, >>loki: so you’re fine with names of serialkillers, but not with the word? >>read: so sue me. >>loki: jeff’s father disappears to leadthe escaped serial killers, leaving jeff free

to do whatever he wants. whether that is goingout and murdering a bunch of people, or just hiding in a corner and crying. >>read: he takes the second option. jeff alwaystakes the second option, preferring to whine and do nothing over taking control over hislife. but lucky for jeff the government has hired an investigator named castillo to huntdown the escaped backstreet boys. [music] >>loki: castillo drags jeff along, hopingthat he can help decipher his father’s notes and help him track down the clones. here isthe part where we would have to warn you that, due to the serial killery subject matter wehave mention that this book pushes the bounds

of what’s acceptable in teen lit and, yadayada yada, gory, violent whatever. >>read: but we can’t. because honestly.this book is tame. >>loki: and kinda boring. >>read: what takes away from project cainis the fact that its not exactly one book. it’s two. the first book cain’s blood,is written for adults containing all the gory details of things i’m attempting to repress.i was grossed out within the first 5 pages and traumatized before i got half way. >>loki: somewhere in the process of writingcain’s blood girard got the brilliant idea to write the same story but as a teen he stripped out most of the blood and sexual

violence, told the story from the pov of youngjeff for a “relatable” teen protagonist, and bam instant teen novel. >>read: so we end up with sanitized tree frogs,and possibly the most boring government conspiracy story ever. at least with project cain. >>loki: this book has a lot going for it.for one thing, it sounds outrageously insane for the government to clone serial killersto use as weapons. girard manages to make it believable. yeah. i get how nuts that sounds. >>read: girard cites dozens of governmentexperiments that have we now know about. all of them crossing tons of moral and ethicalboundaries.

>>read: nuclear testing. fluoride testing.std testing. lsd testing. after finding out about all of them, a few disco dancer clonesdon’t seem too far off. >>loki: i’ve lost the motivation to evergo near the dentist. fluoride man, fluoride. >>read: but no matter how easy to believegirard makes the story, nothing could save the story from jeff. the destroyer of allthings fascinating. >>loki: to put it lightly: jeff is a whineylittle bitch. he is apathetic. he spends 80% of the novel lying on a hotel bed watchingcastillo do all the work. worse. he refuses to read any of the relevant documents andor learn anything about what is going on. are the escape serial killer clones terrorizingthe village? i don’t know. has jeff’s

father declared himself king serial killer?no clue. has nebraska suddenly declared themselves the new republic of nuggi nuggi? i couldn’tsay. jeff doesn’t know and doesn’t care, so we stay in the dark. >>read: even when jeff is actually witnessto violence or gore, the author just jumps the timeline forward like, aww, you guys don’tcare about that stuff. half the time these violent events are essential to his characterdevelopment. jeff might have been written like this to spare teen readers the bloodand violence, but man is he dull. >>loki: castillo, the man who actually movesthe story forward, has a great backstory. he has been in the army for many years asspecial ops until he was finally retired after

being captured and tortured. suffering fromptsd, he has been called out to deal with the this situation in a quiet manner. >>read: unfortunately for us, we don’t findout a lot about him in project cain because jeff doesn’t care! >>loki: how does a novel manage to only havetwo characters? >>read: i guess there is the dad, whose characteryou can kinda tell by proxy, ie his journal. he started studying the rage gene and serialkillers because he believes he is descended from jack the ripper and is looking for amoral excuse murder people. and hey, if being a killer is in your genetic nature that’sall the excuses he needs.

>>loki: there are also no women in these novels.i don’t know why. there have been a bunch of serial killer women throughout history.lizzy borden, countess elizabeth bã¡thory de ecsed, delphine lalaurie. >>read: girard’s pseudo science plays itoff like all women are both incapable of violence and also strangely turned on by extreme violence,when we’re not being lying down to be victims. which is a bit of a problem, because let’sface it – women are as capable as violence as men are capable of being victims. >>loki: he also has a tendency to exaggerateor stretch facts when it’s convenient. some of the body counts that he cites for someof his serial killers are crazy. like albert

fish, who girard says has killed 100 people,but probably killed only 5. >>read: i wish i didn’t have to say it.project cain was a giant disappointment. it had everything it needed to be a really goodnovel. it had an outrageous but somehow plausible premise, it had unexplored themes about thenature of violence, an underused type of teen fiction villain, and yet it manage to fail.majorly. >>loki: a swing and a miss. there is no waythat the story can recover from jeff, the apathetic serial killer clone, being the narrator.and the themes of nature vs. nature, and the nature of violence never seem to actuallydecide what their point is. >>read: cain’s blood was different. it gaveyou more information, it definitely didn’t

shy away from the violence, and felt likemore of a complete novel. was it a great novel? erm. no. but it was a lot better that projectcain, which felt like they just took all scenes that got cut out of cain’s blood and threwit into the teen section like we wouldn’t know better. >>loki: if you feel like you can stomach theviolence of cain’s blood, read it and save 5 hours of your life you will never get back.skip project cain. >>read: are we done now? >>loki: i think that about covers it. >>read: i now know way too much about santa’slittle helpers. get me out of here.

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