Star Wars Review

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hey guys. star wars. it’s been a while. so i have made the promise on multiple occasions a star wars review video for episode vii. and i have not. first off, i want to apologize to bronzenrule who over five or six months ago said they were looking forward to my rogue one teaser trailer reaction. and i said, "yeah, it’ll be up this week! thanks for the kind reminder!"

thank you for the kind reminder, but it was not up that week. and i apologize that i told you it would be. my intentions were always good. i never lied with the knowledge that i wouldn’t have it out. but i kept chickening out. and i think it’s because i have some pretty mixed feelings about star wars episode vii. and i didn’t feel like raining on anyone’s parade. i like star wars episode vii, but we’re gonna get into it. i got my little computer here… i’d like to go ahead and just start this off by reading a conversation i had with ghostandgoblins.

i have been amazed, frankly, by the caliber of star wars fans. you guys are some of the best commenters ever. you’re some of the nicest people that i’ve met online. ghostandgoblins wrote to me on my channel, on another video and said: so… just beautiful conversations, frankly, that i’ve been having with some of you guys. thank you so much. there have been a number of you and i should give you all a shout-out because you’re awesome. but let’s get talking about the movie, alright? when it comes to a lot of the special effects and cinematography, the footage, the tone, a lot of those things…

i think that chris stuckmann, he’s one of my favorite reviewers on youtube. he’s very popular. honestly, i think he’s very popular because he’s very good. another reviewer i really enjoy is rachel wagner. and i think she has some great thoughts on it. why she loves it, and i do love it! i love it! i think it’s great. but for me there are two realms that this film belongs to. the first one is, the movie belongs to itself. the movie belongs to the franchise as seen through the movies. and that’s where most people are coming from with it.

and i think that in the realm of star wars movies this was the smartest thing they could have done for the franchise. i think that the actors chosen are fantastic. i think that the writing and the script… …i really enjoy. the humor is dead on. it fits so well in the star wars universe. i remember feeling that when i was watching the scene where ray and finn are escaping all these explosions on jakku. and there’s this banter about whether or not they should be holding hands. moments with bb-8

and all of that was just excellent. i even liked han solo running from the rathgars. it’s very in-keeping with where star wars is. star wars has always been a little bit witty, a little bit slapstick and we didn’t get a lot of that in the prequels. other than jar jar binks and we’re not even gonna go there. i loved the tone. i loved how it took itself just seriously enough, but not too seriously. i really enjoyed the character relationships. i really enjoyed the practical effects. a lot.

i think that the worst thing out of the entire movie is snoke. first off, it’s a stupid name. second off, it just looks terrible. i don’t understand how you can have the budget that you have for these movies and come up with something like snoke. i have no idea. i do not understand. like, holograms are not that hard.

our expectations for what holograms look like, not that complicated, right? you could literally do the same thing you did in the original trilogy and it would look better than what you’ve got. the other computer animation that i really did not enjoy was maz kanata. her design was nice. i do not know why they could not use practical effects. i have no idea. why they could not use practical effects with this character. it looks totally fake. i think that it’s gonna get dated really fast. whatever.

i think that the majority of the computer imaging is so good you don’t even notice it, right? so i can’t say that the computer graphics in this movie are crap, because i’m not even noticing the majority of the computer graphics. and i acknowledge that. but maz kanata is so obviously a computer graphic it’s just irritating. another thing about maz kanata that bums me out more than the computer graphics is just, i like lupita nyong’o. i think that she is really awesome. i think that she is lovely and fabulous. and i didn’t want her hidden behind cgi. like, what’s better than putting a black person in your movie?

putting two black people in your movie. why could you not do that? really? really. ugh. when i heard lupita nyong’o was going to be in the movie i thought that it was going to be salla zend. because that was one of the female, black characters that i could think of from the books. she’s an ex-girlfriend of han solo… she’s a [smuggler] she’s amazing!

she’s totally, completely, integrally connected to han solo. so when han is like, "hey, we’re going to go to this like, [smuggler] paradise and i’m gonna introduce you to an old friend…" i was expecting someone i knew! from the freaking han solo trilogy! anybody that i knew! you don’t have to come up with new characters! han has a long list of ex-girlfriends that you can select characters from. guess what? one of them is a black badass! why can’t you pick her? but instead they had to come up with maz kanata. this little…maternal acting…alien.

whatever. whatever. whatever. which takes me to my main point. my main beef with star wars episode vii. like i said i think they made the right choices with this franchise. i think they’re taking it in a good direction. i think that as a movie it stands up really, really well. obviously there are some stupid things. there’s some really weird science in it. but there’s weird science in the original trilogy and i don’t care about that. having stupid science makes it fit in really well with the fact that the original trilogy was made in the 70s, when people really loved their stupid science. and the 80s, right?

so the fact that they’re like, "quick, we have to hurry before the sun runs out…!" like, i don’t even care. i don’t even care. right? whatever, you guys. it was stupid, but it’s star wars, so i’m not expecting great science. what really disconnected me was when i realized that not only was it not going to adhere to any of the stories or characters that were given to us in the expanded universe but it was going to completely pretend that it just didn’t exist. and if you haven’t read the expanded universe

that might not seem like a big deal to you at all! i saw one of my friends post the other day, someone was talking about eu stuff and she was like, "oh, i only care about the canon." well, what is the canon? that’s the question for me. what is star wars canon? and the thing is, i don’t know anymore. this is what i have been deliberating about and thinking about ever since this movie came out. what is canon? what can you call canon? before this move came out, before i saw this movie there was a star wars canon. and it was a widespread, accepted canon.

and this wasn’t just something made up. this wasn’t a fan universe or anything like that. the star wars books were not fan fiction. in order for anybody to get a star wars book published, from what i understand they had to get their story lines approved by george lucas himself. the stories all had to coincide with each other. they had to be consistent with each other. and they all had to exist on one cohesive storyline. one timeline. and you could study this timeline.

and star wars fans did. you could get books that essentially acted as encyclopedias of how this world worked and what happened to all the characters. they called it the "essential guide to…the ships, the weapons, the star wars essential guide to characters." nothing went into the star wars canon unless it was in a book or a comic (or a movie). all of these stories had to coincide with each other. han and leia had three children! they had jacen and jaina, who were twins, and they had anakin. han won the millennium falcon in a sabaac game, chewie is married.

it’s all there. all of the information is there. luke’s jedi academy is there. it exists. it has characters. han solo was in love with bria tharen, who was killed shortly before he met leia. and he’s in mos eisley cantina bummed about her death! you see? mara jade was an important character. these characters were… they were canon. they were canon! and then you get this movie, and it’s like, "jacen and jaina don’t exist! anakin doesn’t exist!"

"han and leia have a different son. his name is ben." you don’t know why they would name their child ben, since neither of them had much of a relationship with obi wan kenobi. it doesn’t even make sense. i don’t even understand. but here’s the thing. as i was watching it, i was like, "this is okay." because i’m just going to apply superstring theory. where there are mirrored universes.

there are as many universes as there are choices to be made. which is infinite. and they continue being made…they continue existing… they come into existence… as multiple opportunities arise. and there are infinite timelines. so i’m telling myself that the star wars eu is one timeline. and the star wars movies have split into another timeline.

where han and leia have a different child. they name him ben. and he becomes evil… calls himself kylo ren, and kills his dad. and that’s where i sit with it. it’s that i’m watching an alternative timeline. and it’s okay. and it doesn’t undo anything that i ever knew about star wars. all of those things exist, on their own timeline, independent of this one. if i think of it like that i can manage. now

how invested i feel in the new movies because of this has definitely been jeopardized. because i feel like, if you can tell me that everything i ever read about star wars isn’t canon and all of the essential guides i read about star wars are not canon then how is this canon? why is this canon? why should i believe in this new storyline? if you’re just going to tell me that all this other stuff didn’t really happen. in the meantime

i love the movie. i think it’s good. i think it’s smart. i think the biggest problem was you can’t copyright all of the work of all of these other authors who wrote all of these other books. all of these other comics all of these side-story specials and everything like that. and i understand that. i understand you couldn’t do that. financially, it would be a disaster. artistically, maybe. maybe it would have been a disaster. i don’t know.

but i understand why it happened and i think it’s the best thing for the franchise. and so, with that in mind, i carry on. and um…we’ll just…see where it goes from here. and it’s okay. alternate universes! alternate timelines. may the force be with you. always. even on an alternate timeline! [cries]

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